- Im looking for a life line
- April 14th, 2010
Within the past year so much shit has happened and im just so tired of it all like one person can only take so much ya know?
Im about to pour my heart into this so be prepared its going to be all over the place.
My lovely boyfriend is the only person who canmake me belive that things will get better and i dont suck as much as i think i do and that im actually worth it.
Its getting harder and harder everyday to make myself think positive cause i feel like everything i want goes horribly wrong this house im in is so hard to stay positive the people here suck i feel like this whole family lives off of lies and secrets im sorry but thats not me and it pisses me off. I hate lying to people i hate secrets its pisses me off so bad.
I must say i do have some amazing friends though who have proved to me time and time again that they will be there for me ... Zach, Nikki, Paula, Kev, Joe but we all know the person who keeps me going everyday is Rob :)
I know if i lived somewhere else right now i would feel like myself again the happy geeky hyper person that i am. I have too much stuff on my mind its hard for me to sort it all out sometimes i just want to be held and cry and other times i just want to be left alone and slip into a dark place i shouldnt be im glad i have people to pull me out of it cause i dont think i could do it on my own. I hate that i have been stabbed in the back so many times that i cant just let go and trust people anymore i miss being naive to the cruelness of the world i wish i could back to my younger self and tell her not to let these people in cause they will turn you into a person that is scared of the world.
I have noticed as of late i am very touchy and the littlest thing sets me off and i hate it cause thats not me my sleeping habbits suck right now all i want to do is sleep but my body wont let me get more the 2 to 3 hours at a time im so tired i can barely handle it.. my family thinks im sleeping all the time but in reality im just laying in bed staring at the cealing wishing i wasnt here and maybe if i think hard enough i can be where i want to be but since i cant be there i want to sleep cause my dreams are the only place im happy .
Im going to start very soon in cutting out alot of people in my life im sorry if your one of them but im sick and tired of trying to keep a friendship when the other person isnt trying on there end.
This is so depressing and trust me i KNOW things will get better its just a long road ahead of me till they are ... and the only person i want right now is Rob cause he makes everything go away .